I’ve stumbled upon something that absolutely breaks my heart in a way that’s hard to put into words.

I love arcades. Love them. I’ve spent so much time in them. Whenever I’d go on vacation as a kid, I was always more interested in the arcades than in, say, Dollywood or waterparks or whatever. It was always about the arcades for me. When I was in middle school, my best friend and I would go to this local pool run by the YMCA, and during the weird breaks where they’d make everyone get out for 10-15 minutes or whatever, we’d hit the NeoGeo cabinet and play the hell out of Metal Slug. And as lousy as our local mall here in Bristol has been, that was always one advantage that it had, the Tilt arcade, where I could go play House of the Dead, Time Crisis, and Metal Slug to my heart’s content.

It’s been…quite a few years since I’d been in Tilt, and once that little pool had gotten rid of the NeoGeo cabinet, replacing it with the ultra-crappy Tekken Tag Tournament, my friend and I just stopped going altogether. But if a bar or restaurant has Galaga or Ms. Pac Man or something like that, then you bet I’ll give it a go if I’ve got some quarters on me.

Anyways, after years of not bothering going into the arcades in Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg, and never having time for Tilt any time I found myself in the mall, I decided I really wanted to blow a load of quarters on some House of the Dead, or some other old game I would play as a kid. That’s how I came to notice this disturbing trend.

Last week, I went into Tilt for the first time in years, mostly on a whim and out of a strong desire to play some Metal Slug. Things had changed, though, and not in a pleasant way. For one, all the games were in their own sections it seemed. All the crane games stuffed with Annoying Oranges and Angry Birds were grouped together in the front, all the racing games down one wall, with the shooters and the fighters down the other wall. This organization bugged me to no end, shouldn’t arcades be mazes that are nigh impossible to navigate? Isn’t half the fun of an old arcade finding some game you’ve never heard of, tucked away in a corner between a basketball hoop and DDR? Gone was House of the Dead, gone was my beloved NeoGeo cabinet with Metal Slug and Samurai Showdown. What good is an arcade without Daytona USA? Time Crisis 2 was still there, but it just didn’t feel right. They had House of the Dead 4, but the guns are the uzi-looking things, fully automatic, and difficult to aim with. The thrill of scoring precise headshots was replaced with the dull task of just mowing down crowds of zombies, spraying bullets blindly. It just wasn’t fun.

The oldest game there was, I think, Marvel Vs Capcom. That doesn’t feel right either. No pinball, no Pac Man, only one or two Skeeballs? What the heck? All of the emphasis was now on those crane games, and those other weird games where you could win an iPod or PS3 or something, and those are no fun to me.

Over the weekend, I went on a trip to Pigeon Forge with my girlfriend. We wandered down to Gatlinburg in the morning to kill time and wait for the weather to clear up. There, we went into three or four different arcades, and it was all the same crap I saw in Tilt. That horrible House of the Dead 4 cropped up a lot, and I noticed a couple other new shooters: Project GHOST and Terminator Salvation, both of which are also played with big automatic rifles against hordes of enemies. Again, precision no longer seems to matter much anymore, and those guns are just too awkward to handle, especially for a lefty like me.

The arcades in Dollywood weren’t much better.

But, I kept telling myself, there is hope. The Arcade in Asheville is a two story arcade with a bar. On the bottom floor is where you find all the old 80’s classics like Donkey Kong, Burger Time, and motherfucking Tron. Joust and Centipede too! Upstairs is even sweeter, with a line of pinball games and skeeball, the Simpsons game (which my friends and I beat one night, spending WAY too many quarters), the Star Wars Arcade game, and my personal all-time favorite: Virtual On. I haven’t been there since January, though, and I just recently heard that they removed the pinball games and are in the process of converting the upstairs area into a club. Which probably means the removal of more games, including Virtual On. And that breaks my heart in so many ways.

I mean, I get it. People have been saying that arcades are dead now for years, so I was honestly shocked that House of the Dead 4 and a Terminator Salvation game even existed. Times are changing. Consoles, Steam, and smartphone games have flooded and conquered the market. The only way for an arcade to survive anymore is to offer ludicrous prizes for people to throw their money at. I think I saw a crane game in Dollywood where you could win a 32” TV. If you want to play shooting games, there’s Call of Duty, who gives a damn about Time Crisis? DDR is now a thing of the past too, a fad no one wants to bother with anymore.

I guess I’m just an old man now. I hate being nostalgic, but man, I miss being able to jump from Virtual On to House of the Dead 2 to Daytona USA to Ms. Pac Man in the space of 20 minutes before seeing a movie at the local theater. There’s no real way to replicate that kind of experience anymore, switching games on the PS3 just isn’t the same as navigating a dimly lit cavern full of cacophonous noises and flashing lights, digging in your pockets for more quarters.

Ah well, at least the theater has Crazy Taxi, at least. And a machine with both Ms. Pac Man AND Galaga. Now if only they would show some movies that would give me a good reason to go to the movies...

[Brett]

Lollipop Chainsaw is the one game I was really looking forward to this year, and it did not disappoint.

I WAS a little concerned at first. Suda51’s games seem to be getting increasingly dumbed down as they become more slick, when you look at how Grasshopper has progressed from developing the insanely dense and obtuse Killer7 to…a game about a cheerleader who fights zombies with a chainsaw. And yeah, it is a little disappointing that these games aren’t quite as thought-provoking, unpolished, and…maybe insane isn’t quite the word, but what I’m trying to get at is while the narrative for Flower, Sun and Rain will have you ripping your hair out in confusion (if the gameplay itself hasn’t caused an aneurysm), Shadows of the Damned is just about shooting demons in Hell to get your woman back, not a whole lot to think about there.

So yeah, a little part of me wishes Suda51 would throw out another game with a story that requires a lot of research to grasp and gameplay that can be just plain inconvenient, but at the same time? Lollipop Chainsaw is just so much damn fun, even if it is rather shallow.

Here’s the big thing about it that appeals to me: this game is like a tribute to the bizarre splattergore films that guys like Yoshihiro Nishimura have been cranking out over the past few years. Specifically, I’m reminded of Vampire Girl Vs Frankenstein girl, but the flying zombies in the game (propelled through the air by blood spurting from their leg stumps) HAVE to be influenced by the final showdown in Tokyo Gore Police. James Gunn, director of Slither and writer of the Dawn of the Dead Remake, is in on it too, and you can see his fingerprints all over it in the dialogue and the silly references that the game throws out.

That’s another thing I love. This game is HILARIOUS. Juliet is so vapid and takes this localized zombie apocalypse all in stride, while her severed head boyfriend Nick gets all the best lines as he freaks out and questions what the fuck’s going on. The zombies themselves say some great shit too. I can’t get over this one fat zombie who declares “they’re selling popsicles for fifty cents!” And, for some dumb reason, I always laugh at the football player zombie who shouts “ten hut, ten butt fuck!” It’s crude and oh so juvenile in so many ways, and I think that’s one of the reasons I love it.

You could beat the game in about 4 hours if you just run through it, yes, but I take no issue with this. Between work, making art and comics, and the other stuff I do, I’m cool with playing a game that’s not going to take me 50+ hours to beat or whatever. I can jump in, play a level or two, and I’m good. And I can’t stop replaying certain levels of the game either. I mean, I was gearing up to write this review, and instead decided to go replay the 3rd stage. That’s how much I enjoy this game. Yes, it’s a little repetitive since all you’re doing is hacking up zombies and occasionally playing a minigame of Zombie Basketball or something, but trust me, it’s FUN.

The soundtrack goes a long way too. In fact, I’m fairly sure it easily ranks among my top five favorite videogame soundtracks ever. Akira Yamaoka ROCKS THE FUCK OUT in a way I haven’t heard since his work on Contra: Shattered Soldier, which is also in my top 5 faves. Here’s my favorite track from the game’s prologue stage:

There’s also a lot of great rockabilly and bone-crushing metal. You have the option of picking any five tracks (you unlock more as you progress, of course) to make a playlist to listen to while playing, which is a huge plus to me. And, since this game is published by Warner Brothers, there’s a lot of licensed music thrown in too. Every time you use your Sparkle Power (one hit kills + invincibility), “Hey Mickey” starts playing. I think this is the first time I HAVEN’T outright hated that song. Another stage has you slaughtering zombies on a rooftop to “Pac Man Fever.” Of course, not all of the licensed music is great. Not even Lollipop Chainsaw can get me to enjoy Skrillex or Five Finger Death Punch.

Also? The boss battle tracks are all scored by Jimmy Urine of Mindless Self Indulgence, who also voices the first boss, Zed. He does a FANTASTIC job of it, too.

People knock the game a bit because the graphics aren’t too great, but that’s a charming thing to me. I have never played a Grasshopper game with mindblowing visuals, and I’d kind of like to keep it that way, it suits the punk band influence that Suda51 comes from. Still, I’m so happy that this game is so goddamn colorful. They use a great comic book aesthetic for everything too. I’ve always loved the visual aesthetics that Grasshopper has used in their games, so this is definitely no exception. The game has also received criticism for having a ridiculously sexualized protagonist, but that doesn’t bug me. Juliet is a cartoon character, and it’s hard to get upset over her appearance when she’s just so damn bubbly and kind of badass. No one really comments on her appearance or threatens to rape her or anything like that, and past the opening cinematic, it’s not like the camera is always up her skirt or down her cleavage. If anyone’s truly being objectified, it’s Nick, LITERALLY. I think this whole thing is just Suda51 poking fun at and satirizing gaming trends with no real overall statement about uh, feminism or anything. And that’s unfortunate, but it’s not really a problem either. Actually, Jonathan Holmes did a great post on Destructoid where he interviewed Jessica Nigri as Juliet and wrote quite a bit about the central ideas of objectification in the game. Give it a read.

Okay, I’m well over 1000 words so let’s wrap this up: Lollipop Chainsaw is AWESOME. Go play it. Or not! It’s up to you! This is just how I feel about it, you may think differently.

Regardless, you gotta admit, with the way the gaming industry is these days, we should be thankful there are still dudes like Suda51 who do things differently. That man is my hero. RESPECT.

[Brett]

“People like us, we’re sharks attracted to blood. You smelled blood too, didn’t you? Isn’t that why you’re here?”

I’ve been thinking a lot about No More Heroes lately as compared to Suda51‘s other, more recent works. Shadows of the Damned was great, but left a bit to be desired, and while Lollipop Chainsaw looks fantastic, it’s just…I don’t know if it could top No More Heroes.

No More Heroes, for the uninitiated, is…well, I’m having a hard time putting it into words. It’s an action game, but with a lot of mundane side jobs like picking up litter and mowing lawns. It’s crude, violent, the graphics aren’t pretty, you save your game by going to the toilet, the open world is largely empty with very little to interact with, the simple barely-there plot turns grossly convoluted and confusing in the final act, and the whole thing has this gleeful punk rock attitude in just how manic and sloppy it is. And for being a game where you recharge your weapon by shaking the Wii remote like you’re jerking off, there’s a weird degree of subtlety to it. It’s my favorite videogame ever, and its protagonist, Travis Touchdown, may be my favorite videogame character as well.

"You got it old man! And for some reason I feel this sense of euphoria..."

So we’ll start there. Travis Touchdown is a nerd and a loser, despite having a sweet motorcycle and wicked jacket. He lives in a motel alone with his cat and collects action figures, watches anime about pubescent girls with magic powers, and that’s about it. But he’s also the ultimate badass killer too. Travis is like a stereotypical gamer nerd, and No More Heroes is his videogame fantasy. Make no mistake, this game is the ultimate adolescent wish-fulfillment scenario: the sad nerdy guy who picks up an awesome weapon and sets out on an epic journey to save the day and get the girl. Quick, name a science fiction weapon that anyone, geek or not, would recognize and would totally love to have, if they don’t already own a fake one. If you guessed a lightsaber, you’re correct! Except George Lucas has a copyright on that and so what Travis purchases in an online auction to become a badass money-making assassin is a beam katana, but make no mistake, that’s what Suda51 was thinking about when he decided on what weapon to give this nerdy character. By day, Travis watches wrestling tapes (tapes, not DVDs, yes), plays with his cat, and takes small jobs like pumping gas and cleaning graffiti off buildings in the city of Santa Destroy. Then he uses the money he makes from those jobs to take on assassination gigs, climbing the ranks of the UAA to become the top assassin and hopefully get laid. The dichotomy there is a clear statement on what being a gamer (or an artist, or, I don’t know, porcelain doll enthusiast) is like, taking up crappy part-time jobs in order to pay for your real passion. It’s really quite genius. The side jobs are not much fun, but they’re not MEANT to be, and doing them just means that when you do get to the killing, it makes slicing folks in half and hearing them scream “MY SPLEEN!!” that much sweeter.

"Don't die on me too quickly. I want to gorge myself on this sense of fulfillment till I vomit."

That split in gameplay content aside, the game would still otherwise be a simple, shallow affair were it not for the game’s boss battles, the icing on the cake. Watch that cutscene again up there. Every boss battle starts and ends with a scene like that. The boss assassins are all colorful characters to be sure, but those scenes really develop them as flesh and blood people, and that in dealing with these guys, Travis is most definitely in his element. Here the anime-loving dweeb waxes philosophical as each boss details his or her motivations for killing, and what their life is like. The first boss, Heavy Metal, lives a pampered life in a gorgeous mansion, Dr. Peace is a grim, Dirty Harry-style killer, Shinobu is out to avenge her father’s death, et cetera. All of them have a greater motivation than the scrappy punk Travis, who just wants to be number 1 and get some tail, not caring about much of anything else, but as he goes on to face each one, you can detect a change taking place in him. This is illustrated in other ways too, like how the open world of Santa Destroy is just…empty, with only a few shops to go into and no real interaction, because none of it is important to Travis. It’s like how I could tell you where all the local comic shops are in the tri cities, but when it comes to the places they’re around, I’m not sure because I don’t really pay much attention to them. I identify with that.

So yes, this a game that’s very socially aware in a strange way, but the mere fact that it’s socially aware separates it from nearly every other single game out there. Like many of my favorite works of pure genius, all the intelligence is hiding under the dick jokes and gore.


And then there are all sorts of little touches that make me smile: Enemies spewing fountains of blood and coins as they die. The cartoony scream Travis lets out if you accidentally drive his motorcycle off a ledge. The top-down shmup stage that’s a dream. Collecting luchador trading cards. The awesome t shirts you can get. Having new techniques literally beaten into Travis. The music for the gym being a slight reference to Eye of the Tiger. Having to hold the Wii remote like a phone to listen to Sylvia before each boss fight. The distorted voice announcing the boss’s name, followed by a quip from the boss, followed by a wailing guitar. The posterization effect and the guitar chord on the loading screens. And so much more.

The game is a huge influence on me. It’s probably the most popular of Suda51’s, especially since it’s the only one to spawn a sequel. No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle is quite different from it’s predecessor while delivering more of the same action and wackiness that made the first so great. I don’t think I enjoy it QUITE as much, but…well, it warrants its own write-up in the future, yes…

"See you on the other side."

[Brett]